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Ace1413
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Name: Katie
Birthday: 11/20/1987
Gender: Female
Interests: Horses...got one, and i recomend them. Make good friends never let ya down. gaia... gaia, manga, immortal rain and my dogs. Love to rp, love chrono.
Expertise: reading manga, Fanfic, and gaia Anime. I need practice socializing, don't do it normally, but i'm more chatty one on one then in a group i guess. Deffinatly a Chrno expert
Occupation: Kennel Crew
Message: message me
Website: visit my website
AIM:  Skittsunny@aol.com
Member Since:
2/2/2004
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| I give up... I don't have friends any more it seems. Friendship can't be one sided, it has to be two. I try to make plans and wait all day for calls and everytime I call their already out. So I guess they don't want me involved. They made plans for a con we're supposedly all going to with out me. So I guess I'm not going then? That way I won't get in the way of what ever it is their planning. Its like it doesn't occur to anyone to include me anymore. Even when I ask to be included. What good is a friendless bitch? No much. The thoughts of taking my own life have pleagued me so often the last two months... I really can't say what else has occupied my thoughts. Maybe I should just do it... Stop crying myself to sleep every night and just get it over with. Not like i have anything to look forward too. No one wants me around unless its as their whipping post... What life is that? Maybe I will... So maybe this is good bye xanga. | | |
| So I've been contomplating meaning and life and all the stuff that goes with it... and I've decided to just go and get it over with... be done with it... it'll make the pain go away. | | |
| So I don't know what's wrong with me lately. I've gotten a big dose of the I don't cares anymore. I mean stuff I should care about, and the stuff I do care about I usually end up fucking up. I just feel like I can't do anything right. I feel alone, I feel depressed or down most of the time. They only times I'm not thinking to my self the world would be better off without me or no one would notice if I was gone, is when i'm hugging luna. She's the one exception to my train of thought. I used to think I was valuable person... Now I'm just not sure. I just have no motivation to live... No one wants to be around me anymore besides Luna. I'm a dull person I guess, i'm shy and i'm everything that people don't want. I can't do anything right, I have no life, and when I try to have one I just end up fucking it up... I just want to craw into a little ball on my bed anymore and sleep because that's the only place I don't fuck things up. I can't make friends, maybe cause I'm such a sucky friend. I get nervous infront of people and go hide in a shell and if i'm asked to talk i trip over myself, over stuff i'm very knowledgeable too. I've screwed up alot the last couple months, I don't know where things went down hill.. But now i think it would all be better for everyone else if I wasn't here... except my exception Luna. No one wants me or needs me anymore and I guess that was a big part of who I was or am.. I hate being by myself... I hate this having to go to the mall by myself, I hate having to wonder if anyone will want to go to the movies with me... I hate myself I guess... I can't stand myself and it shouldn't surprise me that no one wants to be around someone they can't stand. | | |
| I'm so fucking pissed off right now I'm seeing red. I just can't take it anymore.... God damnit I'm not going to be around people who don't want to fucking be around me any more. I'm not going to play these games. Yes I'm aware i'm boring but that doesn't mean that people can just blow me the fuck off because something better comes along with out even curtasy to call and say sorry I can't today... I'm not worth even that to kristina... I'm not worth damn fucking shit to her... I'm just someone to walk all over and to use so her parents will go let her see tony in philly. I'd do anything for her, she's my best friend and I get treated like some 2nd class servernt she can call on a whim. And no this isn't just over one little disagrement this has been building up since on I'd say the last three weeks. I guess since she met tony and he's so much better then lower class fucked up me. I guess its my problem because I keep expecting her to mean it when she says sorry. There must be something wrong with me. She doesn't mean it though, she'll go right out and do it again to me two minutes later after she says sorry. My fucking birthday aside.... its my birthday it comes once a year and after weeks of saying I'll be there to see you... the best excuse she can come up with is I can't i have to watch a movie with my family at home? if you want to come over thats fine.... What the hell? You know i would be over there if it were her birthday, but no she can't return the favor. Then her excuse for the rest of the time was she was helpin gmy mom invite people to my birthday party she had what 6 people to call over two weeks? I'm sorry but theres time in two weeks to call six people. I can't take it anymore... It hurts everytime she lies... it wouldn't be so bad if she just said I can't... or i don't wan to... no she acts like she does and then the moment someone else says something i'm trash... fuck this shit. fuck everything she wouldn't even notice if she never saw me again. | | |
| I'm tired i guess, tired of being a thrid wheel. I knew it was going to happen once kristina started college and got her licence I just didn't think the person I'd be a thrid wheel compared to would be someone that doesn't go to her school. But yeah I've been replaced. Why do I always have to be right about my gut feelings? What ever not like I'll be missed. I'm not a good friend anyway. Right now I feel like never going to a con again, but I probably will anyway because I'm a sucker and actually beleive her when she tells me things. Atleast she found someone who's like her I guess. Someone who's into fashion and artsy and stuff that I never in a million years could be. Kristina may not admit it but I know its whats happend. God I hate being a sucker, but I am one. I can't change, guess thats always been my problem though, I don't change, I get boring, I don't adapt well I don't change my friends, don't make new ones, too shy to be outgoing. I knew it a month ago that she'd found the replacement, I just didn't say anythign cause I refused to truely beleive it till this weekend. What ever. I'm probably gonna be kicked out of school wendsday, but what ever there too. My hours are being cut back in October but who gives a damn about work too? I'm tired of being the only one who cares, the only one who thinks. I'm going to hell, it'll be nice cause I like warm weather. Don't bother trying to look me up I'll be too busy. | | |
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